WTF, Depression!?

Hey Depression, it's me again. Your good old pal Grace.

You know, it's been a while since we've had to sit down like this and have a little talk. You've been so good about giving me space and only coming around every once in a while, but lately... well, lately, dude, it hasn't been good. You're getting stalkerish. You won't leave, like, EVER.

It's really getting to be a problem.

So yeah, we're having it again, the "it's not you, it's me" talk. Only, it's not me, and it is so totally you.  You really need to cut it out already.

Stop leeching the color from my days, and the energy from my bones, and the ideas from my head.

It's not "cute" and it's not helpful. It sucks.

I'm not very into violence; I don't think it solves problems, just goes on to create more. That said, right now I seriously want to punch you in the face. Kick you in the shins. Or the groin. Or all of the above.

Get the fuck away from me, loser. I'm putting out a restraining order.

It's my life. You're not allowed to be a part of it anymore.

Sleep On?

I came across this on Pinterest. The person who pinned it obviously thinks of it as a reference to a fun Disney movie, nothing more. I love Sleeping Beauty, so please don't think of what I'm about to say as a criticism of the film. But please DO think of what I'm about to say as a strong criticism of the message.

Look at those words again... "One day you'll awaken to love's first kiss. Until then, sleeping beauty, sleep on..."

This is frustrating to me on so many levels.

I think the idea of love's first kiss is beautiful, and is certainly something to look forward to. But it should not be the main thing that characterizes a person's life.

"But Grace," you say. "That's from the original fairy tale. That's why it's called Sleeping Beauty, because she pricks her finger and sleeps for years and years until the prince fights his way into the castle and wakes her with a kiss. This is old news."

Yes, I say to you in reply. This is old news. But consider: in the fairy tale, this lengthy sleep that befalls our heroine is a tragedy. It's the result of a malevolent being actively working to harm her. It's a sad and bad thing that she would avoid if at all possible, but since she can't - phew! - it's a good thing the prince manages to come along and save the day.

The original fairy tale has its flaws, yes, but that first sentence in the image up above isn't what bothers me. It's the second part: "Till then, sleeping beauty, sleep on."

You know what that entire image is trying to do? It's trying to compare girls who haven't yet found their "one true love" to this princess in a fairy tale who sleeps until she's awakened by a kiss. "Just keep waiting, girls," it's saying. "It will happen for you someday. One day your prince will come and you can finally wake up, but TILL THEN, SLEEP ON."

Um, fuck that. 

I'm sorry for the language, but no I'm not: this calls for it. I am so enraged and offended at that notion that no other milder words will do. Seriously, what kind of moronic, backwards-thinking, downright TERRIBLE advice is that!?!?

Listen, girls. No - actually, scratch that. Listen up, EVERYONE:

DO NOT LIVE YOUR LIFE FAST ASLEEP. 

DO NOT WAIT AROUND FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GIVE YOUR LIFE MEANING. 

YOUR LIFE HAS MEANING ALREADY. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND MAGNIFICENT AND SO MUCH MORE COMPLEX AND INTRICATE AND ASTONISHING THAN ANY OF US COULD EVEN IMAGINE. SO LIVE LIKE IT.

If someone comes along one day who recognizes that and wants to sweep you off your feet, then HURRAY! Let them. Let that person give you the fairy tale kiss, or kiss them if you'd rather make the first move. But know this: they did not save you. One person does not save another person in this godforsaken life. WE SAVE EACH OTHER. Every single day. That's what a relationship is.

So there it is. I entirely reject the notion in that image up above. We need to stop reinforcing these horrible, harmful ideas.

Live your life. Be brave and kind and true. Wake up and see the light.

The Red Tree

"Sometimes the day begins with nothing to look forward to, and things go from bad to worse. Darkness overcomes you. Nobody understands. The world is a deaf machine without sense or reason. Sometimes you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait but nothing ever happens, then all your troubles come at once. Wonderful things are passing you by. Terrible fates are inevitable. Sometimes you just don't know what you are supposed to do, or who you are meant to be, or where you are. And the day seems to end the way it began. But suddenly there it is right in front of you, bright and vivid, quietly waiting... just as you imagined it would be." ~Shaun Tan, 'The Red Tree'

Never Forget

We say "Never Forget," but what do we mean? Sometimes I would like to forget what I saw on those television screens 12 years ago.

I'm okay with forgetting the terror, the collapsing buildings and crashing planes, the sense of helplessness and bewilderment and panic.

I wish I could forget what it's like to live in a world where such a literally evil act is even plausible.

I am glad that in the dozen years since 9/11 we have been safe and comfortable enough that the horrors of that day have dulled in our minds.

Let other people hold onto anger, or dwell on thoughts of revenge. There are some things I am fine with putting behind me for good, setting down to never pick up again.

The year before the Towers fell we read a poem in my English class, and I haven't been able to escape it since. You may know it yourself: in it, a man beholds a crumbled ruin in the middle of a desert, all that remains of a once-great civilization, and upon its base he reads this warning...

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings; Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

This poem is so tantalizing because what Ozymandias (and his creator, Percy Bysshe Shelley) offers us is the promise that time will one day erase everything, including our pain.

But I hope I don't forget what it's like to know no strangers. No "you" and "me," just an overwhelming sense of being in this together.

I hope I don't forget the ones who ran toward disaster. The ones who stayed, who fought, who helped, who struggled, who risked, who sacrificed. The very best in humanity brought out into the open in reaction to its very worst.

I hope I never forget the people we lost that day.

I hope I'll continue to remember the ones who knew them best and mourn them still.

And I know I won't forget the thing I'd been doodling in my notebook that September morning in Mrs. Stager's Spanish class when the teacher from next door strode into the room and made the announcement that changed everything.

It was a heart.

In some distant future where New York City is just a ruin, where history is memory and memory is lost, that is the thing I hope - I know - whoever is left will still hold onto.

Love.

It's Okay

I'm tired of feeling like I have to roll over and play dead, or stay silent and allow myself to be pummeled, though I suppose that fits in well with "turn the other cheek."

I'm tired of defending and analyzing and picking apart.

I'm tired of this idea that faith is stupid, that despair is the only rational response to life and the universe.

You know what? It's okay.

 IT'S OKAY TO BELIEVE.

I do. I believe.

I don't have proof. I may not even have reasons you'd find good enough.

 But I believe. I believe. I BELIEVE!

I believe.

 

Countdown

Just finished Summer Reading, now it's on to the next big project. And no... I'm not talking about the library's 10 year anniversary. I'm talking about the far more important event happening this October: my fourth annual 13 Days of Halloween!

COUNTINGDOWNTO.COM

Tried to make a snazzy countdown clock, but the site I used wanted me to pay to do fun Halloweenish colors, so this one is boring instead. But it gets the point across. Only 68 days!

Hobbit Event Pics

This is not a proper blog post. I'm trying to transfer photos to another computer and my connection isn't allowing me to attach them to email (lame!), and I left my thumb drive at work. This is the best solution I could come up with. I will probably take it down when my need is gone.

For now, enjoy a few photos from the Hobbit event I had at the library a couple weeks ago...