In about four and a half hours I'll be picking up the phone and calling work to tell them I'm not coming in. Between now and then I'll think up the excuse; it has to be a tad more elaborate than "I'm sick," because I do intend to work my shift the day after tomorrow. I didn't come to this decision lightly. I don't enjoy screwing other people over, and would certainly never do so just because I didn't feel like working. No... this is about balance and perspective. I've been seriously lacking both in the last eight months. It's a late start, but I'd like to try gaining some back.
I took the Target job to help pay off my debts. It was never supposed to be my main job. It was never supposed to be Important with a capital "I." I do need the money, and I still do. I'm significantly better off than I was eight months ago, but I still have a ways to go, and I made my summer plans (Charleston this weekend, St Louis 3 weeks from now, etc.) with the knowledge that I'd have that Target income to help pay those costs back. But somehow work has come to dominate my life, and that has never been the goal. Ever. It's one thing to work hard and pay back debts; it's another thing to allow your life to be consumed by stress to the point that you literally don't have a life anymore. Just work and sleep and driving to and from, and some television or reading slipped in between.
Tomorrow I have a hobbit program at the library. I get stressed sometimes with my library job, but I really do enjoy it. It's rewarding. It's fun. When I take the time and put in the energy to the do the job properly, it's really special. And let me tell you now what I was planning to do. I was planning on staying up the next few hours finishing cutting out the circles for my hobbit-door craft I have planned, then getting about two hours of sleep, then waking up and going in to work my scheduled shift at Target from 4am to 12:30pm, then driving straight to the library for my shift at 2pm, and scrambling to set up the room, make copies, gather supplies, etc, etc, for my event at 3pm. And this was an event that when I planned it ages ago I thought, "This is going to be so much fun." But no. Not if you do it that way. On 2 hours of sleep and after 8 hours of physically demanding labor... no.
This is it. Hobbits are helping me get my priorities straight. If I lose the job because of it, fine. I'll survive. I'll pay off my debts a lot slower, and not get to move out as quickly as I'd like, but I'll make it work. I want to be able to enjoy tomorrow. I want to make it special. I don't care about shelf heights and peg hooks. I do care about kids and stories. And I do care about my emotional health and mental well-being... both of which are threatening to take a nose dive if I don't get a little balance (and a bit of a vacation!) soon.
So there's my justification. Now pardon me while I go cut out some hobbit doors...