Dieting makes me feel terrible. I know it shouldn't, probably, but the way I do it does.
It's healthy to lose weight gradually, but I'm impatient. I set an unrealistic goal, then panic when it doesn't look like I'm going to make it, then bend over backwards to do whatever I can to make it. That's what happened last year. Middle of January I decided, "I want to lose 72 pounds by the time LeakyCon rolls around in July." That's crazy talk. That's would mean losing about 3 pounds a week! And in the midst of those six months I'd travel places with my friends and have events like birthdays or meals at restaurants where I couldn't get away with my 800-calorie-a-day thing.
Still, I managed it. When I went to LeakyCon I was actually something like 168, which meant I lost 74 pounds. Crazy, and kind of awesome.
I took a break. I eventually gained a few pounds back (maybe 3 or 4), but stayed in my 170 range the rest of the summer and into early fall. In October I gained 3 or 4 more. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas combined brought me up another 4 or 5. So all of the sudden I'm 15 up from the top of healthy weight range for my height and age (150-170).
So the thought is... I'm obviously going to fluctuate no matter what I do. But while I've got the drive to do this thing (and while it's in these doldrums months of January and February when there aren't a lot of events that involved eating), I want to get down to the bottom of that range. That way, when I gain back the weight I know I will I'll end up somewhere in the middle. And if I manage to make it all the way back up to 170, I can just work at losing 10 pounds or so, not 20 or 30.
So my new goal is to get down to 150 by the time the Hunger Games movie comes out on March 23rd. It's terrible, I know. Dieting. Hunger Games. But I needed a specific date, and that seemed like a good one. I can celebrate by having butter popcorn and a pack of Twizzlers or something.
Anyway, right now I'm not sure if that's going to happen or not. I've got 70 days to lose about 31 pounds. But I'm trying.
But back to the first sentence. So far, I've been successful. I was 184 at the beginning of this week and now I'm 181, and that's even with Melissa's birthday on Saturday where we all had pizza and dessert at Amelie's. But what happens with this thing is I take in less calories than my body needs for fuel, and I burn more energy than my body's used to burning. So that's why it's eating up my stored fat faster, but it also means that I am tired. All. The. Time.
All I want to do is sleep. And maybe I should. But it makes for a rather boring life if all I do is sleep, work, walk, and be very careful about the things I eat.
I'm going to go read now. Maybe that will make me feel better.